STRANGE

It is just a very strange me
someone i know, someone i don't really know
i act like a girl
a jealous, emotional girl
though most of the time i hid this weird personality under my smiley face
people thought that i am talkative
but actually no one knows that i prefer to be quite
staying in my room
chit chat with a friend i trust
expose the true me to someone
so that i wont have to hide it so tiringly
maybe i enjoy noise
but not always
i want silence sometimes
or at least for that moment
when i feel tired
i miss everything
i miss my family
at least at home, i feel loved

i need a place, a harbour to let me stop and rest
look around the scenes that i've missed out
i missed out a lot for this year
i've not really enjoyed most of the things i experienced
i wish i would have enjoyed everything
sad one, good one
i learnt a lot
bad one, good one

i think its time for me to really grow up
to accept the truth that im no longer the little girl
the little princess at home
well protected by dad and mum
i thought i've grown up long long time ago
but actually i didn't
i've yet to learn how to be independent
on deciding things
i've yet to learn how to be courageous and confident
to do new things that i've not tried b4

i know the world is big
is beautiful
im too tiny relative to this big big world
but im ready to use my whole life to discover this world
i actually enjoy studying
to understand the world
the more i know
the more i realised i dont know

i want to be independent
to be confident
to be courageous
and to grow up to be a real
ADULT

SICK

i felt so sick juz now but i still insisted to do my work
thus ended up with working in semi-conscious state
i hardly remember what did i read or write juz now
ARGH

lesson learnt today: dont ever try to force yourself to do work when you are sick, if not you will end up with wasting your precious time

anyway after taking panadol, feeling better now.
i should sleep earlier today==

NOT HAPPY

ok...here is the case

i'm not very happy now, without any reasons

maybe yes

1st: i'm not sure that should i just quit chinese orchestra or make it as 2nd cca

2nd: i'm uncomfortable to compare with others, but i can't stop myself from comparing

3rd: i'm afraid that i cannot manage to get good results

4th: i'm so freaking undecisive that i kept influenced by others so easily

now i'm still stuck in this labyrinth or dungeon and can't get out of it now

DAMN!

well, should make up my mind very soon